i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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