that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
