I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
