omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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