OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
