Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
