What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
