i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
