I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
