Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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