Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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