we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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