god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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