Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
