so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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