is your mom at the bar?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
