dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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