You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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