are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
