Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Pooping to opera.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
