Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
