Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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