can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
