Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I did not marry a roomba.
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