I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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