I'm eating all of the evidence.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
