If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
