shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
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I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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