the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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