Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
