Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
