Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
