Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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