When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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