Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
