Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
