im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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