I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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