I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
