after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
