you're like a bully in the Christmas story
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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