what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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