Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
