Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
