Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
