i just had sex bonerless
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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