Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
