I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
