I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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