textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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