I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize