I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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