I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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