Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
