remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
