and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
