i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
