Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize