I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
