I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
