Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
