i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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