Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
