Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish I only lived at night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
