so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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