What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
