everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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